Bothered? Try this, Write and Decide.

Updated: Jul 18, 2020

Have you ever been in a situation where you have tension or frustrations from various things that have pent up?. You know you're frustrated but it's no longer about one thing. You feel that it's a good time to say something but instead of talking about this one particular thing, you have a list of stuff? Yeah, well... don't worry, it happens to me too.

While this is very common when it comes to relationships, I recently had an experience at work where things just started to come to ahead. I scheduled a meeting with our "Big Boss" to discuss some of the issues that are occurring in our department.

I thought to myself, I need to make a list to organize my thoughts and make this conversation effective and impactful. So, I created a list of happened its so many more things. ing session on a piece (okay, pieces) of paper. You know all the things that you have been holding in and finally, they just spill out? Also, if you're going to say those things, you know you can't say it exactly how you wrote it (better clean up that language). By the time I was done, I had a list of 16-20 (some could probably be combined) of things that I was irritated by.

I noticed that after I wrote that list, oddly enough I felt better. After going through that writing process I felt a bit of relief. I started to wonder if I still needed to have the meeting because I felt that much better.

Well, it got me thinking, it's probably very common in relationships when you get into arguments and it's never about that one thing that just happened its so many more things that happened so long ago or could be recently, but it's never just one thing.

When I created this list, I thought it was just going to be reminders of things and examples to bring up but it served a different purpose. It allowed me to do a few things.

  1. Get out the issues and see them on paper.

  2. Gave me the feeling of getting things off my chest.

  3. Provided an opportunity to decide how each item made me feel after saying it, well writing it in this case.

  4. Allowed me to reprioritize what was most important.

You see one thing that is so common and I am guilty of too, is that we tend to get in our feelings and stay in our feelings and it's hard for us to focus on the overarching theme.

I ended up keeping the meeting but instead of running through a list of approximately 20 examples, being able to take a step back and looking at the list, it helped me realize it really could be summed up into two common themes, which is how I started the conversation. Two common themes instead of 20 examples of examples. At the end of the day it ladders up to the same, but I just took a different approach which helped me.

In the heat of the moment, especially in personal relationships we don't always have the luxury or can't stop the emotion train from moving fast enough but if we do, this is a good method to try.

Next time you're having a squabble with a friend, bae, or something is happening at work, try this Write and Decide method.

Write it down and decide.